Whilst serving 4 ½ years in prison all I could wait for was my release date. When that date finally arrived, all that excitement and build-up had gone. I walked out of the gates and felt absolutely nothing, it felt like such an anti-climax, maybe because it didn’t feel real.
I’ve survived and the way I look at it is that being in jail was way worse. I thought my first day would be kind of relaxing, but it wasn’t. I had to attend my probation appointment then return home and make a claim to universal credit. I had to contact, for example, the bank, car insurance, child maintenance, etc. all of which had extremely long wait times. Before I had time to finish unpacking, it was time for me to do the school run. I came home with the children, cooked food, did the reading and homework with them, bathed them, got them ready for bed and read them a story.
The plan was to stay at my mum’s for approximately 10 months to give me chance to re-integrate back into society with some support, but I lasted 6 weeks there due to having problems with my neighbours as they somehow found out I was in prison. The neighbours had started calling the police on me and ringing social services making false allegations. The landlord then told me I had to move out because of the amount of times the police have visited. My mental health was at rock bottom.
From the day I stepped out of those gates everything was so full on I barely had time to breathe. On top of that, lockdown was put in place 2 months after my release, so I’d come from one lockdown to another. Initially I thought it was going to be a walk in the park but after a few weeks of self-isolating it started taking its toll. The children and I were in an apartment and therefore had no garden to sit out in when we wanted a bit of fresh air.
I have now managed to find a nice three-bedroom house with a beautiful garden. I believe everything happens for a reason and you shouldn’t rush into things. Although life has been difficult getting out, I think maybe I set my expectations a little too high as to what it was going to be like. So, the advice I would give to anyone reading this who is due to be released or has been released, is try not to put too much pressure on yourself and try not to set your expectations too high. Just go with the flow and what is meant to be will be, you’ve got this and you are stronger than you realise.
I’d like to finish off with a few inspirational quotes: